Ok. So remember recently when I wrote that entire blog post where I was like “Wahhh I can never get a bra that fits me I hate being a DD wah wah wahhhh”
Well guess what? That was a bad idea. I jinxed myself.
And then my boobs went up an entire cup size!
Well I guess in reality I’ve actually needed the next size up for awhile.
But a long time ago I had decided that I was never going up a cup size again. Never. Ever.
And every time I put on a bra and erm my cups…overflowed… shall we say I was like “I must have shrunk it in the wash!!”
But internet, I had not shrunk them in the wash. They simply were too small.
The straw that broke the camels back was an excessively rude Victoria’s Secret sales associate. Emphasis on the “ass” part of that word. I emerged from one of their dressing rooms wearing a bra to look at my friend’s bra for her.
“Ummm I would try the next cup size up if I were you”
The evil black blazer clad bitch told me. UNSOLICITED.
and at that very moment I came up with a million retorts in my head.
“J, did I fall and bump my head because I don’t remember asking that biatch for her opinion.”
or my personal favorite: “Really because you might wanna try the next pant size up with your ugly fat ass.”
Because really that’s what she said to me. The next size up. It makes you feel fat ya know?
But I just said “Ok.” and closed the door to the dressing room. I had really liked the bra too, it was light blue with a flower pattern and it was 16 bucks on sale. I had fully intended to buy it but now I was too embarrassed and I just wanted to get out of there and so thats what we did.
That night in VS planted the seed. It was my wake up call.
“You need the next size up sarah” my sensible self said gingerly to me.
“No! I refuse! the next size up is for fat ugly people!!” I said.
“But you should just try, you’ll be more comfortable and you’ll probably look better in your clothes.”
And that was true so I tentatively googled what in the hell the next size up even was. My choices seemed to be either a 34F (holy fucking shittttt) or a 34DDD and I chose to go the DDD route. After all I really like that show on the food network, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.
After a little more Google consultation I found that Nordstroms has a really awesome and extensive lingerie department. So I recruited my best buddy J to come with me for moral support. Though she didn’t really see what the big deal was. See, J has a near perfect body. She’s tall and lean and wears a D cup. I actually sorta hate her for that one.
“Sarah, you’ve already determined you need a new size, why is hearing it going to make it so much worse?” she questioned.
And sure logically that makes sense. But I dunno there’s just something about it. Hearing it, out-loud from a stranger while you have your shirt off, it’s a vunerable thing!
Of course, whenever you go up a cup-size the first culprit is usually weight gain so of course it doesn’t do much for one’s self esteem when you have gone up past the normal sizes they carry in oh.. EVERY DAMN STORE.
Once at Nordstroms I was pleased to find that not only did they have 34 DDD, they had cute ones at that! The one major problem was the price tag. I mean…80 dollars for one bra. Considering I make roughly 100 measley dollars a week that really wasn’t going to work for me.
“I’m sorry,” I told the sales girl “but I really just can’t justify spending 80 dollars on one bra right now.”
(hah! right now! As if I could ever justify spending 80 dollars on ONE undergarnmet!!!!!)
“Oh don’t worry I understand!” she reassured me. “We’re having our anniversary sale in two weeks you could come back then and everything should be more reasonably priced.”
But, being the bargin hunter that I am, I first went to Macy’s.com because while their selection is smaller, they also carry my size. I ordered a light pink bra that actually appeared to be cute. Except when I received it in the mail I was thoroughly disappointed. It was entirely mesh and lace, we’re talking no lining at all. Which um… maybe its just me but my nipples demand a little cotton for their comfortability. Also, the top of the cups had this weird elastic that smushed into my cleavage as if to say “DOWN BEASTS YOU WILL SUCCUMB TO MY ELASTIC WRATH!!!”
So I tentatively went on Nordstroms.com to find the closest store to Amherst since I wouldn’t be home for the big sale.
And that is how I ended up driving 2 hours round trip to Connecticut yesterday. Despite the long drive, and the feeling of being insanely poor (there was a TIFFANYS in the mall people. It was just the swankiesst place ever. A TIFFANYS. And yes I did go drool at the window at all the diamondy silvery wonderfulness) I did end up buying 3 bras.
Bras that fit.
and of course, bras that are cute.
For example. I’m wearing this right now!!
I also got it in beige because my mother taught me that a lady always owns a nude colored brasiere.