THANK GOD I ONLY HAVE TO LIVE 5 MORE MONTHS WITH YOU.

Did you….LITERALLY… just take two cases of water and a case of diet coke from the kitchen that had been declared “up for grabs” by our other roommate AND HOARD THEM UNDER YOUR BED?!!?!?

I AM CORRECT IN OBSERVING THAT NOT ONLY DID YOU HOARD THEM, YOU PUT A PROTECTIVE LAYER OF RUBBERMAID CONTAINERS IN FRONT OF THEM….

TO WHAT?!

PROTECT THEM FROM THIEVES?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?

 

I am done.

I am SO done.

You are so RIDICULOUS AND HORRID.

Oh roommate…

I might remind you…

YOU AREN’T ON THE LEASE BITCH.

Good thing I AM.

And if you don’t watch your ugly grumpy ass step I’m putting your shit on the lawn and stealing your key.

You have no legal right to this apartment.

I cannot believe HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.

I hope you end up alone.

I hope you live in a garden apartment alone.

In a big city.

I hope you can see the happy feet of people walking by your underground apartment window.

Day after day.

I hope you have 6 cats.

I hope you gain 60 pounds.

I hope you never get laid.

I hope you make your money editing dentistry textbooks.

 

good luck with your useless degree.

 

Oh dear roommate. I see you preparing for bed.

Don’t get too comfy. I’m coming in there in about 6 minutes to turn on every light and make a ton of noise.

 

Do you really have to be so passive aggressive? Can you just come in the living room and say “Hey guys, actually those giant cases of water and coke in the kitchen are mine and I don’t want to share them? Even though J told you that you could drink them?”

Ohhhh I see. You don’t want to have to do that because it would make you out to be a fat-ass miser.

Huh.

Got it.

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