12:00am: Glance at clock, realize you’ve been talking to new guy from internet who has been “guiding you back to your faith in-between strangely sexually charged conversations” for way, way too long.

12:30am: Finally fall asleep to the sweet sounds of NPR.

6:45 am: Time to wake up already, you can afford to snooze for a 15 more minutes even though you read in that article that once you wake up the first time you should just get up because the REM cycle is suppos….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

7:20 am: You slept too long. No shower for you. Shove half a bagel down your face, dress, make haphazard lunch, brush teeth, run out door. Now. Now now now. Do not collect 200 dollars. Do not pass go.

8:20 am: Sit in employee lounge and suck down your iced coffee with such ferocity that you give yourself a brain freeze. Pour over intern binder while fellow intern proceeds to talk to everyone who comes in the room except you. Try not to feel weird about this. Fail.

8:45 am: Report to your first class of the day. Find out you’re stuck with the 5 year old group. Peruse the name list and see that you have some really strange names in your group. Why, oh why, would you ever name a girl Saffron, or Cedar, or Merlin? Good grief. Practice saying those names with a straight face.

10:00 am: Your group has managed to come up with the lamest team name ever. Being the blue group you threw out many cool choices: blue bears, bats, berries. The ever inventive 5 year olds settle on the Blue Animals. SNOOZE! Kids these days have no imagination.

11:00 am: Almost bash your head against concrete when smarty-pants asshole kid from group will not shut the eff up for the 8 trillionth time. Remind her gently that when she has something to say she must wait with her finger on her nose until it is her turn. Think about how insipid that must sound to every other human who isn’t a “drama friend!”

12:30 pm: Guess who brought a zip lock bag of sugar snap peas for lunch and nothing else, YOU! Yum yum yum.

1:00 pm: Pick up smelly backstage part A class. They are 13 and 14 and smell so bad. What is it about pubescent aspiring techies that makes them shy away from deodorant you wonder.

2:00 pm: You suck at tying various knots out of tie-line. Good job education intern, you can’t even do the task you’re supposed to assist with.

2:30 pm: Primary intern isn’t wearing the correct foot wear therefore you must climb the terrifying metal ladder that is completely flush with the wall up the 80 feet to the grid above the main stage. On top of this you must pretend this is no big deal since the smelly 8th graders are making faces like they’re about to poop on the floor.

2:50 pm: Make it to top of the grid, realize that not only do you feel like you’re about to pass out from lack of sleep and food in the past 14 hours you also have to climb back down the ladder.

4:00 pm: Oh good! You made it. Time to go home, except no time to go to Target because you didn’t bring enough high collared t shirts to Seattle. Curse gigantic chest for the 7th time that day.

5:00pm: Shop in Target for an hour on a nearly empty stomach and buy 30 bucks worth of crap you don’t actually need. Including string cheese, which…well you did need that so good job.

Better luck tomorrow.

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