So I went on another date tonight. I had an off feeling about this guy and I should have trusted my instincts and declined but I didn’t. We went to a bar/restaurant in Fremont called 9 Million in Unmarked Bills. As we looked at the menu he spoke about how he only eats fruits, vegetables, nuts, fish,  and meat, “like a caveman,” he said.

He then proceeded to order a cheeseburger. With like…dairy and bread. But whatever.

I broke a dating rule and ordered a salad. I didn’t even read the salad description, I just ordered and hoped for the best. I felt rushed and my listening to his ridiculous “caveman” diet hadn’t afforded the opportunity to peruse the menu.

It was an awful date internet.

Some snipits were when he said:

“Oh, yeah like if a girl isn’t putting out by the second date there won’t be a third.”

I just kind of blinked and hovered above myself, half listening to his “I rule my life by honesty” diatribe.

He also said:

“I don’t understand why women like…elect to have children. I mean that’s why I don’t sleep with mothers. A baby came out of there, that’s never going to be the same again. That’s why I believe so strongly in adoption.”

to which I said something about adoption being really important and helping children and he replied:

“What? Save a kid? Screw that. The slogan for adoption should be: Save a vagina.”

And then, though I should have left, I listened to him blather on about how:

“Cyclists who don’t wear helmets are actually safer than those who do because by virtue of not wearing the helmet it creates a little invisible bubble around them because drivers see the cyclist isn’t wearing the helmet and therefore they are more careful around him and give him more space.”

When he finally finished I told him I thought that was complete and utter bullshit and unfortunately my candor only seemed to make him more interested in me.

He also told me a lovely story of the time he met a woman from the internet and she was much larger than she had appeared in her pictures.

“She came down the stairs and it was literally like that scene in Jurassic Park when the T-Rex makes the water ripple.”

He was a prince.

I stayed there far later than I may have because our waitress literally never returned. We sat there for close to three hours. Our dishes were cleared. We waited and waited and nobody ever came.

“I think this means our meal is free” he said.

At which point I informed him that I’d wait as long as it took, I wasn’t going to walk out on the check. He promptly rolled his eyes at me.

A short while after I went to the bathroom and when I came back he looked more ready to leave. I wondered if he’d paid while I was in the bathroom. He waited to inform me we hadn’t paid until we already two blocks away, saying goodbye.

“Thank you for the conversation” I said. (I’d like to note this was after I declined his offer to meet up again.)

“And the free meal!” he laughed

“Right and thank you for dinner! I’m sorry!” I sputtered. Flustered and embarrassed.

“Haha no no I mean like.. oh never mind. You thought I paid?”  He said triumphantly.

I’m mortified. I know I should have gone back and explained the situation but I was afraid at that point, that maybe I’d get the waitress in further trouble if I pointed out that she just totally forgot about our table and left.

I feel ashamed even posting this. Is it too late to go back?

In other free meal news!

One of the interns always seems to be the odd one out. Nobody really ever made an effort to get to know her. I invited her to my house on the 4th of July to bake a pie with me and learned some about her. I decided I liked her. She’s a weirdo for sure but she’s nice and has confided in me multiple times saying she feels left out.

She’s just…. that girl…you know? The one who chimes into the conversation only to say the very wrong thing and disrupt the entire flow. The girl who doesn’t really follow the rules at work and then gets reprimanded in front of other people. She’s just a little lost.

Today she brought a big platter of donuts and cookies for the interns and left them in the staff lounge. I ate a couple bites of one of the donuts on my break but it was maple flavored and so I ditched it. But I made sure to thank her in front of other interns, made a big deal about how it was really nice and thoughtful of her.

Later as I sat in the mailroom checking my email and my facebook I saw one of her statuses:

“Dumpster diving. Found: 12 loaves of bread, 15 cookies, 10 donuts, several pounds of grapes, lettuce, asparagus, onion, and kim chi. Freegan dinner?”

It took me a second to put the pieces together. And then I was a little angry. But before I could become properly upset I had to go back to my class as my break was over.

Later on the bus I asked my friend if she’d eaten anything weirdo intern had brought in.

“Yes……why?!”

and I explained to her.

And later when one of the tech guys from the theater got on the bus we explained to him as well because he was eying our animatedly upset conversation with interest.

“That’s really not cool” he said. “If you’re going to feed people dumpster food you inform them first, not to mention that’s just bad karma, you’re essentially stealing from homeless people.”

Had to admit he had a point. Then the guy across from us who had been listening chimed in:

“Yeah! That’s just plain dangerous as well, you don’t know why the food was thrown away, it could be poisoned. It could even have hepatitis C, that’ll take as much as 20 years off your life expectancy.”

So really, if we’ve learned nothing from today its that there’s no such thing as a free meal.

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