Woman Across the Street on a Cell Phone: But like they don’t give money to people with a warrant do they?

My inner monologue: oh my god. really?

WASOACP: No no no like I can’t get my welfare if I have a warrant right?


Tonight as I looked innocently for gloves in Target a crazy woman struck up conversation with me. She was wearing a ton of makeup, specifically lipstick over what appeared to be a busted lip, perhaps from a punch, maybe from someone trying to punch out the crazy.

She kept handing gloves to me for me to try on and I kept doing it. Mostly because I was afraid of her. The whole time she was muttering:

Target Crazy Lady: I just lost mah cellphone in Best Buy can you believe it? I put it down fah like one minute and I was talkin to the guy to buy my itablet book and I looked back and it was gawn and they were like no help at all whatsoevah and they wouldn’t even let me use dah phone to dial 411 for Stop and Shop and its the holiday season we’re supposed ta be nice to people not mean and so I told them to have a shitty a christmas. Huh. I did. I did sir. Good will and shit. My daughtah always asks me to buy her shit. Hah fuckin holidays.

I need to remember I have a base knowledge of Spanish.

No Habla Ingles lady. Lo siento. Feliz Navidad.