A spider just fell from the ceiling and directly on to the pillow next to me. And then it did a couple of flips. Normally spiders don’t bother me. In fact if I had been alone down here I probably would have grabbed a tissue and just removed it from the area. For reasons I’m not entirely clear on I instead went next door to the office where my brother was watching tv and eating a sandwich and asked him to kill the spider for me.
Even though I was totally capable.
But it made me happy anyway to have him do it. Why is that I wonder? Truly. I guess it reassures me that my brother loves me. And is my friend.
When he was done he realized he had left the office door open and sure enough Barney had helped himself to the last of his sandwich. There was really only two bites left and Sam was a little bit annoyed but it struck me as hilarious anyway. The other night Barney somehow opened the lid to the trashcan and pulled out an entire ear of corn on the cob. He took it to his little spot in the dinning room and attempted to eat it. When my step mother tried to take it away from him his face was priceless. It was like: “Excuse me! This is my corn! I found it! Kindly stop yanking it from my maw!”
Barney worries too. At least as far as I can tell. He’s a rescue dog and as such he has his quirks. His separation anxiety is so bad it makes you feel so incredibly sad for him. When people leave the house he cries and cries. It makes me wish he could understand me better. So he’d know that when I say “I’ll be back later buddy!” he’d believe me.
But I think in this regard we’re similar. Because even if I could say that to him and have him understand he might be just like me and think,
“But what if you get hit by a car?! Or kidnapped?! Or forget about me?!?!”
I have these thoughts about my loved ones often too.
I am the queen of “what if.” And I’m trying really hard to relinquish the crown.
Didn’t happen today, not by a long shot.
But there’s always tomorrow. And the day after that.