There is a genuine following of people who believe that “Reptillians” walk the earth.
Anybody who has ever made pancakes knows than the first pancake made is always a little bit of a mutant. This pancake is most commonly known as the “test pancake.”
If you are making pancakes for yourself and a loved one the rule of thumb is simple, your dear darling companion gets the tester as a pre-breakfast aperitif.
But if you are making pancakes for yourself for dinner in your pajamas on a Sunday night, then you are allowed to scarf the test pancake with your hands like a wolf or a barbarian as you cook the other pancakes.
Then you can sprinkle pomegranate arils on top because even though you may lack a desire to use utensils, you are still a budding culinary mastermind.
So to review:
-pancakes for a pair? You must share!
-pancakes all alone? Do whatever the hell you want because nobody is there to see you wipe your pancake hand on your sweatshirt.
During the past week’s zero degree temperatures my mind kept wandering to Charlie cat. I wondered if he was ok. If he was getting fed and was warm. Every time I pulled up to my house I wondered if I’d see his grumpy little orange face on the steps.
Last night I told Maverick to ask my magic 8 ball a question. He asked if Charlie was ok and the 8 ball said “without a doubt!”
Well the 8 ball was right.
And I’m a bleeding heart who has a cat in her living room that she isn’t allowed to have per order of her lease…
Need a day off
Someday I would really love to go to the Sundance Film Festival.
Is that a thing regular people can go to? Or do you have to be a celebrity? Or a millionaire or something?
I also really need a bathrobe. The time has come. But I hate most of the terry cloth ones. Maybe I need a silk kimono but where would I find such a thing?
Internet, please report back.
-The Professor; Accomplished, Professional, Grad Catalog ready. Has a grasp of how to make a power point, hasn’t required the students to purchase something she has published, kudos Professor, kudos. Does introduce herself as “doctor” so and so which costs her a few points. You know this is in reference to her phd but still can’t help thinking one really shouldn’t call oneself a doctor unless they practice medicine. But hey!
-I Just Graduated Last May Girl; This student is very fresh from her undergraduate experience. She sits, naively in her seat twirling her pen blissfully unaware of the shit storm of identity crisis headed her way in 4-6 months. Any time IJGLMG is asked to speak in front of the class she acts as if she is walking to her execution, and any statement made begins with the qualifier “I um could be like totally wrong but um is it….(Freud? Bananas? The 5th Amendment?)”
-Militant Over-Educated Vegan Chick: Don’t sit next to this girl if you A. Have a strong opinion of any kind or B. Dislike the smell of curried Tofu. She will tell you exactly how wrong you are all the while smattering you with masticated bits of Trader Joes Seaweed Snacks.
-Mid-Life Career Changer (Female): This bitch be askin a lot of questions. Her years spent away from academia have rendered her completely incapable in a classroom setting. She will need each item on the syllabus to be explained 17 times and will not be shy about asking for further clarification. You will feel simultaneously enraged by MLCC’s wasting of your time and also extreme pity, especially when you consider that she got through 4 years of an undergraduate program without the internet. Just think about that for a second.
-Mid-Life Career Changer (Male): This guy is having the time of his life. Anybody wanna grab a beer after class and discuss the material?!
-I Work In This Field Already Girl: This person is going to a special circle of hell reserved for people who annoy me ALL OF THE MOST. This person has held an entry level position in this field and has risen the ranks as far as she can go without having a master’s degree. She has probably been told that she already knows everything there is to know and that getting the degree will be a formality. She will try to run the class and ruin everyone else’s night. She will throw out industry lingo when professors challenge her shitty examples in a fit of insecurity that GASP maybe she doesn’t know it all.
-The Other Sarah: Because there’s ALWAYS more than one. Thanks parentals. Can’t thank you enough for giving me the most generic name on the planet.
-The Girl Who is Planning Her Wedding: She’s getting married. Married. There will be a wedding. She can’t study because married. Textbooks cost money wedding dress married. Class scheduling takes time caterers married. This girl is getting married. All roads lead to married.
-Outwardly Idiotic Inwardly Brilliant Guy: This guy is wearing baggy sweatpants and has hockey hair coming out of his knit cap. His voice has no inflection and he winks at your female professor when she nearly skips him in the introductions. He will bust out with the most profound statement of the night. Like, totally bro.
Back to class today.