Yesterday was really, really, awful.
A big pile of awful on top of a year that’s been kinda awful anyway.
Mass Shootings and natural disasters and then yesterday.
Maverick was downtown (he’s completely fine.)
But it was awful.
And I was at work and the baby was napping. I sat in the living room half perched on the side of a chair watching the news with a hand clamped over my mouth.
And the baby woke up after an hour or so, and I lifted her out of the crib and upon seeing my face my hearing my good mornings she smiled and she blew raspberries at me and she kicked her legs.
She lay on the rug while I played with her, my eyes half on the tv. She bit down on my finger with her gums because she’s definitely teething. She wiggled and rolled and stroked my face with her little hands.
And she had a nice afternoon, because she’s a little baby. Just seeing the world through fresh, untainted eyes and a brain that’s merely amazed by seeing her own toes.
People say “I wouldn’t want to bring a kid into this crazy world” and that must be because they’ve never hung out with an infant in the midst of a really awful, violent, day. All the more reason I say, all the more reason to bring new life here. There is nothing like looking at a baby on a day when you might just want to throw in the towel to keep you going.
Onward and forward.
This is a picture of me trying to eviscerate a gigantic glob of peanut butter with hot water so that it can travel down the drain.
I know I could have spooned the giant glob of peanut butter into the trash can but it was already almost full to the top with trash and since I was most likely going to be the person taking out the trash I didn’t want to risk getting peanut butter on my hands in the process. I think about these things ya know?
I had to put the peanut butter down the drain in the first place because I was trying to make peanut butter cookies. I chose peanut butter cookies because I knew we had the ingredients in the house. Fun fact peanut butter cookies have no flour in them #themoreyouknow.
Anyway I was making the cookies for a friend and I was all happy to be baking because baking is a place of serenity for me. And I went to the pantry and got the peanut butter, which I should clarify I was actually stealing from SR. See, I like peanut butter but it isn’t my favorite thing. I have never in recent memory made a peanut butter sandwich, it just isn’t my thing. So I typically don’t buy peanut butter. I especially don’t need to buy any now because SR has a Costco membership and he has two industrial sized jars of skippy. So I grabbed said vat of pb and started scooping it into a measuring cup. As I did this I noticed the peanut butter seemed, kinda slimy. Which grossed me out. I kept scooping, my mind slowly wondering how pb might acquire slime. A lightbulb went off and I checked the date on the jar and noticed the pb had expired in January.
Now, many of you, especially grandmama will tell me that the peanut butter was probably fine to use. I won’t argue with you. Because logically skippy peanut butter has enough preservatives for it to last years after its shelf date but I can’t help myself. Expiration dates are a doctrine which I strictly follow. Ever since that time I used milk that was “probably fine” in my cereal and ended up retching into a wastebasket full of murky water fountain leakage in the hallway of my high school, right as class let out for lunch no less.
There is just an element of chance involved with consuming expired foodstuffs which I am just not willing to risk.
So I threw the peanut butter into the sink and started spraying the crap out of it with hot water. Aka Satan’s tears because our tap water is soooo hot it’ll burn you. I watched as frothy melted peanut butter circled the drain . I thought how crazy it would be if the human body could be destroyed like that. Then I thought about those really unfortunate babies that get left in cars on hot days and basically melt from the inside out.
This is the power of my brain folks! I can traumatize myself faster than the speed of light!
So the moral is always check the expiration date first. Save yourself the mental and physical turmoil.