This past weekend when we were getting ready for Mav’s cousin’s wedding, his sister insisted that I let her paint my nails.
Maverick’s sister is pretty awesome, I appreciate her in many ways mostly because I always wanted a little sister and she’s extroverted like me which I enjoy.
I held her up hand to show to her that I have very short nails, very short ie: I bite them.
As long as I can remember I have always been a nail biter. For someone who blogs routinely about feeling anxious this should come as a surprise to nobody. I’m not a ferocious nail biter, I don’t often do it in public, I never bite my nails down to the quick or have those weird chewed up fingers. But I definitely always have short, uneven nails, and I definitely don’t down a nail clipper.
Up until recently I was never ashamed of it. Which isn’t to say that I’m “ashamed” now, as far as bad habits go I think nail biting is pretty pedestrian. The second I start biting things like cocaine sprinkles off of my nails then we can talk. (I know cocaine sprinkles probably don’t exist..did I mention I’m a very boring person?)
I do know, logically, that biting one’s nails is gross and likely bad for you (I’d like to think I’m building my immune system eh? eh) And of course I’d like to have longish pretty nails too. But obviously not bad enough to kick the habit, which I think is going to be hard because its so much a part of my day to day living I hardly ever notice that I’m doing it.
Anyway, even though she expressed disdain for my nail biting habit Mav’s little sister still insisted she’d paint my nails. I was…skeptical at best. The last time I had painted nails I’m pretty sure was when I was 13 and invited to a “manicure” birthday party and didn’t want to out myself as a lameo who had never had a manicure in her life. I removed the polish after something like 28 hours because it just bugged me. Anyway, she declared I couldn’t pick red because I had told her I only own one bottle of nail polish which is red which I use to paint my toes. She wanted me to branch out and so I settled on what seemed to be a nice hunter green type color. Mav’s sister is really into the whole nail art trend. As she painted my sad pathetic bitten nails, I admired hers which were painted white, hot pink and purple each color on each nail with different designs and shapes.
This is what I ended up with:
So this past sunday when I had a free afternoon I went to Rite Aid and bought a few manicure supplies, namely a 99 cent nail file and some nail polish remover. I consulted the internet and found a handy chart on “How to Give Yourself a Fool Proof Manicure!” the idea being that if I kept my nails painted I’d be less likely to bite them and also more feminine and put together (something I strive to feel more with each passing year, I fear I shall never understand what its like to feel that.)
It took me three hours (no I’m not kidding) to get a manicure that was passable. A manicure that didn’t make me cringe and feel 13 again. I also wasted a whole bunch of nail polish remover and probably made my own special hole in the ozone layer. Because it had been so time consuming, I may have cut the drying time a little short. Needless to say I had to remove the polish all over again. It was a sad trombone first world problem moment.
I am proud to say, tentatively, that I haven’t bitten my nails in roughly three days. The internet tells me it takes two weeks to make or break a habit so hopefully I can make it another 11 days. I am not going to make any sweeping declarations here and already I can feel myself turning this, like going to the gym or counting calories or not spending money on anything unnecessary into something less to be mindful of and more to absolutely torture myself with a la “I BIT MY NAILS AFTER 8 DAYS I AM A FAILURE WHY CAN’T I JUST DO IT WHY AM I SO GROSS?!”
When/if I can quit biting them long enough I am going to probably, spring for a manicure. Because I really suck at using my non-dominant hand.