It was a fabulous year for me, so fabulous that the dawning of 2014 has me shaking in my boots a bit, how could it possibly get better than this?

I had such grand plans for today. Up early to go to the gym, clean the whole house and run an errand and then pick up my cousin, bring her to see my mother, and then drop her off for her 1 pm train.

I overslept and barely had time to shower and hit the gas station before picking up T.

Our visit with my mother went fine except for the part where she left me a horrible guilt trip of a voicemail after we left.

There was issues with traffic and I dropped T off for her 1 pm bus at 12:57pm. She made it but still, those who know me and my penchant for timeliness can understand why this unnerved me so.

i downsized my grand cleaning aspirations to only my bedroom.

I went to the gym but only ran a mile and a half. 

I think 2014 is going to be the year that I try to tell myself “good enough is good enough.”

In high school I was fantastic at cutting myself slack, I don’t know why I felt so entitled or put upon, but I did. As a result I only put effort into things that gave me pleasure and even then, I was easy on myself.

Somehow during college I developed higher and higher expectations for myself and this is maybe why resolutions make me a little wary. I have a tendency to make a sweeping declaration of a resolution and then use it against myself as just one more thing to feel bad that I didn’t accomplish. For anyone else I have a never ending well of second chances and reassurances, for myself I have unrealistic expectations. 

My main goal for 2014 is to secure my career and this feels insurmountable to me at the moment. 

The other “resolutions” are small and mainly suggestions in my mind; go to the gym once a week lest my 10 dollar a month membership be completely wasted, keep my car clean or at the very least not have it suggest to strangers in parking lots that I live out of it as a vagrant, be more patient with things that annoy me instead of ignoring them and blinking thrice. 

I think its a doable list and I’m sorry that as I write this entry it seems so full of doom and gloom. I was blessed with a wonderful year and hopefully with a little luck I’ll be writing something similar come December 31st 2014. 

Image

Advertisements