I have eaten way way way more red hots than I care to admit this week.

They were an impulse buy in the seasonal aisle of the grocery store and I was like “WHAT THIS GIANT TUB OF RED HOTS IS ONLY 2.50! SCORE” And then I placed the tub next to my bed, for easy access.

I have a problem is what I’m saying.

Some people love drugs and alcohol, I love cheese and candy. On our date the other night Maverick and I had fried brie. Obviously I do the whole healthy eating thing well. I’m eating a clementine as I type this though. Not red hots, even though I wish this clementine would magically burst into a confetti canon of red hots.

Ungh. Cinnamon, man, ya know?

Someone at work was telling me how they lost 4 pounds on a cleanse and how they sorta missed eating things that were not smoothies or lentils or whatever and I was sitting there eating my chocolate underground greek yogurt and carrots with dip and almonds and like…trying to crunch quieter, in consideration I guess?

I thought about going on a cleanse once except those fucking juice cleanse kits cost hundreds of dollars.

Hundreds of dollars for juice to torture yourself with.

When there are perfectly good cheeses and candies just waiting to be eaten!

I dunno man.

Everything is just so January right now.