Exactly a year ago (well a year ago yesterday by the time this publishes) I was floating in the deep end of the Royal Sonesta pool. Talking over the details of my impending move to Chicago with my then boyfriend.
Today would have been our 3 year anniversary.
Pat and I celebrated our anniversary on the 28th of November because that was the night he “fell in love” with me. Laying on this bed. The one I’m sitting on right now, typing this. He lay back as we talked and rested his head in my lap. I found my fingers absentmindedly traipsing through the little hair he had left on his skull. I remember being very surprised by how soft the hair felt. And I was similarly shocked at my own behavior. Sparks didn’t really fly (for me at least). It was more like the tiniest ember in a fire pit that just kept growing and growing with every new day until it was a crackling pyrotechnic display of epic proportions.
I didn’t know this time last year that almost exactly two months later my relationship, that I took such pride in and was such a source of comfort (and often frustration lets be real) for me would be over as the result of a 20 minute long conversation over Skype.
For our two year anniversary I was gifted a picture book entitled: Old Friends. It was little photos of old dogs and their “secrets to longevity.” I guess given the title I shouldn’t have been so surprised by the inevitable conclusion of our relationship.
I hate to admit but I have to; I’ve been thinking about this day all month. Dreading it. Reliving the good parts of last November 28th and subsequently the sad parts. I had been battling with myself if I was even going to write about it. Because I feel the majority of my readers (hey family, friends and that one (but possibly 8 different) person(s) who googles “scary picture of hitchhiker” daily!) are probably sick of this topic.
Internet, I’m sick of this topic too. Especially because the moment I seem to finally be fine I have days like today. And yesterday. And hell, probably tomorrow.
But here’s the happy part!
In an effort to “reclaim” this day as it were I decided to celebrate a Sarahversary and do things that make me happy. This year I bought my first designer handbag (Kate Spade Sample Sale for the win!!!!) as a present to myself. Tonight after work I went to my favorite movie theater in Cambridge and saw My Week With Marilyn all by myself and I didn’t feel lonely once.
It was a beautiful film, I loved every single second. And I didn’t have to share my popcorn dinner with anyone.
It isn’t what she’s got to say,
or how she thinks or where she’s been.
To me the words are nice the way they sound.
I like to hear them best that way,
it doesn’t much matter what they mean.
Well she says them mostly just to calm me down.
And I feel fine any time she’s around me now,
she’s around me now,
almost all the time.
And if I’m well you can tell that she’s been with me now, she’s been with me now,
quite a loong, loong tiime.
Yes and I feel fine.