First of all, was that not the scariest movie to watch as a child? I can’t exactly remember the plot but I know that it disturbed me. As I may or may not have written about here before, I believe that all inanimate objects are actually real and just pretending to be inanimate. Most specifically my stuffed animals.
Hi. I’m in my 20’s.
Yes I know.
But you guys I can’t help it!! You try looking at adorable stuffed toy with its adorable loving eyes and try to do something to harm it!!
So today all the appliances in my house committed suicide. *HYPERBOLE ALERT!*
What actually happened was this. Last night I went to reheat some corn in my microwave. I put the bowl in, pressed the buttons, shut the door (do those seem out of order? thats because they are and this is a microwave from like 1990 that thought it would be cool and look like a small space shuttle. Unsurprisingly it belongs to my eccentric art major roommate. Anyway you open the door to press the buttons and then start it after the door is closed and it is stupid.) So around the microwave went. It even made the microwave noise and then DING my delicious corn was ready for my consumption. Except it wasn’t. It was ice cold. I thought “Hmm.. maybe I didn’t actually put the microwave on, maybe I’m losing my mind.” So I repeated the steps again to no avail. My corn was still frosty. Also, this time when I opened the door there was a mechanically burning smell. Hmm. My spell check thinks mechanically is a real word. Is it?
So to make a long story short (too late) the microwave went to the lean cuisine lunch counter in the sky.
I started to panic. Microwaves aren’t cheap. And you guys I live off leftovers. I can make one dinner stretch 3 days. I buy a specific order of rice at a restaurant half because it is good and half because it literally has been known to feed me for 5 days. Its a combo of it being a large portion and me having a rather small stomach.
I couldn’t live without a microwave.
(have you heard of a more first world problem or what? I’m embarrassed but seriously it is a huge part of my life!!!)
And before you say “Sarah you can reheat things on the stove!” I’ll say, “Yes I know I can but it takes a long time and it dirties pots and pans for no good reason because I should have a microwave.”
I price checked on walmart.com and target.com. I couldn’t find anything under 50 bucks and frankly, this is a house communal appliance and I knew people wouldn’t want to pitch in. Or at least wouldn’t do so voluntarily. And then there’s that whole mess of who gets the take the microwave in the end. Do you have to buy the other microwave share holders out? Yeah. No thanks.
So then I took a deep breath and went to craigslist. To my shock and awe there was one listed in my town for a mere 20 bucks. It had a picture and appeared to brand new. I called the phone number and asked if the man selling it still has the microwave. He said he did and gave me his address to come pick it up.
After I hung up I decided I better bring my roommates boyfriend for backup, you know just in case the microwave seller wasn’t actually selling small kitchen appliances and rather giving out rape for free.
When we arrived at the seller’s apartment he opened the door and let us inside.
Now, here is what I would have seen had I bothered to look around me:
An entire room full of crap, microwaves, dvd players, vacuums, fans, computer monitors, and stereos.
Instead I made eye contact with the man and then looked down at the microwave which was perched on a chair. The man plugged it in and showed me that it worked and it was indeed brand spanking new. Stupidly I asked “So why are you guys selling the microwave?” Thinking he’d be like “Oh we just got a new one and didn’t need two…” Instead he stared blankly at me and did not answer. Roomie’s BF behind me sort of coughed uncomfortably. “Alright,” I said “You said 20 bucks right?” and handed him a 20 dollar bill. He took the money and said “Do you need a vacuum?” I opened my mouth to ask him how much because internet, I need a vacuum so bad. Do you have any idea how much it sucks to own a rug without a vacuum. It is my own personal hell. But before I could speak Roomie’s BF said “No we’re all set, thanks bye!” And I said “Ok see you later” and then thought about how I would likely and hopefully never see this man again and then I swear said: “Or never!” And if I hadn’t be carrying something I would have clamped a hand over my mouth like in a sitcom.
After we left Roomie’s BF filled me in on the fact that the man’s living room was probably filled with various….shall we say creatively procured merchandise?
We took the microwave home and popped popcorn in it.
I was happy it worked. And I think I very well might call him back because if he’ll give me a good price on a vacuum I’m not sure the lure of having a rug not completely covered in filth will outweigh the moral obligation I feel to not buy things from criminals.
Tell me that doesn’t upset you!!!